I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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