I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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