I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
