what day is it and did you see me today?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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