yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
