I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
