Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
