the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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