I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
