Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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