Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
