you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
