Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize