i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Every concussion has its silver lining
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
