She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
