We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
