Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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