you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
