Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
