soooo we both peed the bed last night...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize