Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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