I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
