I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
