I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
this hospital has no fireball
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
