I just pynch a tree in the face
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize