remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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