everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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