There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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