True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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