She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
