just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Drunk is a universal language darling
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