She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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