Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
