If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
