I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
