when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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