just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
