i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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