Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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