"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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