I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
they need to just BURY HIM!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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