So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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