Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
