so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
where are my pants?
in the oven.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
