just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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