This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
