This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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