Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
