It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How does it feel to date your dad?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
