sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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