chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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