he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
