Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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