Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
this just has baby written all over it
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
