As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
