um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can I color on your dick again?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
