Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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