mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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