I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
And then he peed in my hair
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