guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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