Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
