I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
