How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
