it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
