Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
