I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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