bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
