You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
