the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
