Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
