Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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