Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
