Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
