Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
