The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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