i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
