If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
