Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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