the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
