i would punch a child for taco bell
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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