Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
