We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
