my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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