She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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