Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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