Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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