but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
