are you so shy because you have an std?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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