Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
