so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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