Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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