I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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