i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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