It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize