Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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