and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
