He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
